I was 22 when I witnessed my first death. I was an RN, and I arrived at work as I did any other day; I had limited nursing experience, maybe six months? I received report from the night nurse about my patient, she stated: “he had a rough night, he was screaming in pain all night, and I couldn’t convince the family or the doctor to change him to comfort measures until the screaming continued for seven hours.” I thought … comfort care? Hmmm….how long would he live on comfort care? Would today be the day that I witnessed my first death?? Oh please, oh please, please live until my shift is over.
Death, I was scared of it. I didn’t want to face it, and I certainly did not want my patient to die. Around 12:07 p.m., my pager buzzed: “Kelley, room 22’s heart stopped….” And my heart stopped. I approached the room, and I don’t have the words to describe my experience, the best I have is surreal. The patient’s wife charged out of the room as soon as she saw me, with tears rolling down her face she embraced me in the middle of the hallway just outside her late husband’s room. She wanted me to be strong; after all…I was his nurse? I couldn’t hold myself together, when she asked: “what do I do now?” I answered, “I don’t know….” And I cried in her arms.
Thirty minutes later, my patient’s family was escorted out of the room so that I could complete the necessary paperwork. Here I was, 22, scared, emotional.... body bag…toe tag…is this really how it ends??
The man who lay before me was a contributing member of society; he had a legacy, a family, a story. Unfortunately, I knew him as kidney failure, morphine, and morgue.
Death is not the greatest loss in life.
The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.”
Norman Cousins
From that moment forward, I did not handle death well. Every time a patient died, I was sick inside, and I wouldn't sleep for multiple days following any death. Some patients died on morphine drips, some patients died after a failed emergent resuscitation….either way, their final story neglected dignity.
Love is stronger than death even though it can’t
stop death from happening, but no matter how hard death
tries it can’t separate people from love. It can’t take away our
memories either. In the end, life is stronger than death.”
~Unknown
Death, in my experiences, was not a celebration of life until I became part of the most amazing, loving, and devoted family. My husband’s grandmother received a life changing diagnosis less, she was 87. She could have undergone the necessary testing, procedures, surgeries, but she didn’t. She planned her final days far before they planned her.
She wished to avoid the traditional medical setting and spend her final days reflecting and embracing her story, wearing her own clothes, surrounded by her own intimate family. She shared her wishes with her family long before her medical diagnosis; her family knew what she wanted, and they prepared to respect her wishes, even though it was hard.
“I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge-
myth is more potent than history- dreams are more powerful than facts-
hope always triumphs over experience- laughter is the cure for grief-
love is stronger than death.” ~Robert Fulghum
After experiencing death in a hospital setting, I would never describe one's final days as peaceful, serene, and magnificent. While sitting in a small community at the tip of Maine, in a warm living room with 16+ family members listening to stories reflecting a lifetime of memories, my vision of death changed. Grammy rested in the center of the family circle, peacefully in a hospital bed, and I saw that beautiful death is possible.
She took her final breath on September 7, 2007. I wasn't there, but I heard that she smiled just before she died. Surrounded by her four beautiful children, and her husband of 70 years, she died.
The family took their time mourning with her body and they mourned with one another in their own private, intimate setting. No chaos, no nurses rushing them, no buzzers, no machines.....just peace.
Grammy went to heaven, and we know that she is smiling down on us every day.
Death is certain, we will die. Sometimes we can't plan our death; sometimes death in a hospital is inevitable. Nonetheless, no medication, surgery, research, doctor, nurse...nothing...will stop death. So why not plan for the final days? Why not design our final moments and share our wishes with our family? Why not embrace death and plan to smile before our last breath here on earth?
Plan your wishes: Living Will Document Planning
The cost of dying: CNN News Story
So, does American’s Healthcare system offer optimistic opportunities? Yes, if we embrace that our healthcare belongs to us. We can contribute to HealthCare reform in our own homes, with our own bodies. What can we do to create optimism in healthcare?
Opportunity #1: Ask questions about available, effective, and cost effective treatment options
Opportunity #2: Choose to feed and exercise your body.
Opportunity #3: Role model healthy nutrition and exercise to our children.
Opportunity #4: Take advantage of your health insurance! Obtain your preventative care tests and screenings.
Opportunity #5: Accept that death is certain and plan accordingly.
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