Does your career define you?

Does your career define you?

Two years ago while talking to one of my patients I asked her what she did for work. She paused for several seconds, answered my question with humiliation and shame, stating, “I just work at Dominos.” My heart melted instantly; empathy poured from my soul and I immediately imagined a world without Dominos workers. Why did she feel ashamed to tell me where she worked? Why does our society determine a person’s worth and value based on his or her career? Furthermore, what defines a successful career? How did we get to a point where a Dominos worker feels like less of a person because she prepares pizza for hungry people?

Last weekend James and I spent some time with our good friend who happens to be in the market for a new job. We were discussing his job search and his ideal job and all of the other frustrations and joys that accompany careers and work. One of the interesting points in our conversation included his experience meeting new people while he is unemployed. He explained how when met new people he hoped that they would not ask him where he worked because he felt embarrassed to have to explain his unemployment status.

Since our conversation, I have reflected this particular piece of the conversation for the past week. It dawned on me how much we focus on people’s careers. When you meet someone new, one of the first questions you ask is, “where do you work? What do you do for work?” Based on the answer you immediately form an opinion about the person. If he or she tells you, “I am the Lawyer” you give them “important, smart, successful” label. If he or she tells you, “I work at Mardens,” you give them “unimportant, unintelligent, unsuccessful” label.

I don’t know why we jump to ask the people we meet about their careers. I am guilty as charged. The first question out of my mouth whenever I meet someone is, “where do you work?” I really have no explanation for why I choose to jump to the career question, I do not consider myself one who judges a person based on their career success, but I still choose to ask about career status believing that will give me the best information about a person’s life. Our unemployed friend is energetic, funny, outgoing, smart, caring, and spontaneous. He enjoys having fun, hanging with his friends, spending time with his family, and he is a hard worker. However, if I met him for the first time today, and choose to find out more about him by asking him, “where do you work?” and he answered, “I am unemployed.” I wouldn’t know anything about him except that he is opening the door to a new opportunity, and I would probably through in a few judgmental thoughts about his unemployment status.

Look around your workplace. How does your opinion of a person change based on his or her title within the organization. When you walk past the secretary in the morning, do you make it a point to say, “good morning?” Do you go out of your way to get to know him or her? Do you care if she notices you and thinks that you are a good person and a good worker? Now let’s switch gears to your manager, or the vice president of your company. When you walk past him or her do you make it a point to say “good morning?” Do you go out of your way to get to know him or her? Do you care if he or she notices you and thinks that you are a good person and a good worker?”

We place tremendous personal value a career, a job, or a title. Funny thing is there is so many beautiful things in live to value. I want to start valuing people for things beyond their career. My husband recently made a pledge to stop asking people about their jobs, or careers. He has a long explanation for why he believes that these types of conversations are useless and unhealthy. I plan to follow his footsteps. I want to start really learning about people by asking them questions that I would never think to ask like “what are you passionate about” “what do you like to do for fun?” “tell me about your family.” I can only imagine how my conversations will change when I shift the focus from one’s career to one’s life.

Finally, what about those who work in careers that identified as “not professional?” What are we doing to help people like my hard-working, loving mother of three, patient who works at Dominos feel valued? What would you do if people stopped working at pizza shops? What if you literally could not buy a pizza because there wasn't anyone left to work at the joints? I know this unrealistic and obviously not going to happen, but just think about that for a minute. Personally, I am incredibly grateful for people who work at Pizza joints and everyone other employee who works in the service industry! In fact, this Christmas I decided that I would extend my gratitude for the employees at Whole Foods in Portland, ME. I took some time to sit down and write them a two-page non-double spaced letter about how much I appreciate their positive energy and superior customer service. I presented them the letter as a Christmas present.

What have you done lately to tell someone you appreciate him or her? Have you had time to reflect about people you really appreciate? I find it easy to start taking simple things and people for granted, and I have started challenging myself to tell people exactly why I appreciate them and the things they do for me. I bet our world would change if we started expressing our appreciation for people on a daily basis. I would guarantee that if everyone who took the time to think about their appreciation for the Domino’s worker, and explicitly shared their appreciation with the Dominos worker, than when asked where she worked she would not respond, “I just work at Dominos.”